I was really starting to get the hang of this new dance, but just got another step to add into. So, today at work when I should have been grading (like now) I was fiddling with my hair. Then I noticed that my hair would easily fall out with an ever so gentle tug. Then, I decided to do a little experiment, I decided to randomly pull at different parts of my hair and see what would happen.
Not good. My hair all came out — more or less. Then some frantic emailing. Turns out that hair loss is a side effect. Why no one told me this, I don’t know. I can only guess that because it wasn’t an issue for the other two patients on the trial, they assumed it wouldn’t be for me. I guess that’s part of the gamble of being on a clinical trial, right? I am the human guinea pig. So basically, now that I have the rash behind me, I’ve got hairloss to deal with.
After I calmed down a bit, and placed a rather extensive online order of various hats and things, I felt better. I’m no stranger to being bald. I did it when I had breast cancer the first time around. I wasn’t happy about being bald, but I dealt with it because I knew eventually I would be able to grow my hair out. That first time around, I was also teaching, and I’m teaching now. So, I’ll probably tell my students why I’m wearing hats, and someone make light of it, and project confidence, but still doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.
Last time I was bald, I couldn’t find many hats that I liked. It’s actually hard to find hats that:
1) fit well
2) don’t overwhelm your face
3) cover your sideburn area — because that is the main part that really screams “oh my god, she has no hair!?!?!”
4) feel comfortable
And most importantly
5) look stylin’!
You can see for yourself — the TLC catalog sense of style seems to cater to people my mom’s age. No offense, I’m just not a mature women, so I still want to look like a cute, 30 something year old who lives in Brooklyn! (And if there aren’t any hats like this on the market, well damn it, I’m going to start a side business, because you should not have to be young and have cancer, and have a dearth of stylin head wear!)
Finally the last bit about dealing with being bald is control. Women who go through this want to be able to shave their head, and control when the hair falls out. You don’t want to look at the shower drain and see a mound of hair in there. So, for now I’m not washing my hair until I know for sure that I’m shaving it off, which could be soon.
So if you see a cute hat that you think will look cute on my bald head, grab it or send me a link!
On the upside, I just shaved (literally and metaphorically) 15 minutes off my morning routine!